Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
