hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
