i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pooping to opera.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
