im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
