just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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