my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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