dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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