i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
