he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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