4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
