So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
