U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
