i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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