i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
