We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
