those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
