i jhust puked up my retainher.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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