I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
