I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
