oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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