It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
