im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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