I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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