nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
