I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
