After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
