Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
birth control should be required to get into college
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize