So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
