How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
