I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
