First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
