Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
