I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
