Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize