sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
