dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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