so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
