So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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