I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
