ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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