Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
