dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
