I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
