I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
