Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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