oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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