hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This baby is an asshole
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
