You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
