Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
