He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize