ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
