apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
