We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
