then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vagina is officially offended.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
