it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
