And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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