Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
