Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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