i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
