So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
