OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
