dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
