Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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