I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
