A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
