I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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