I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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