not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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