I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
