Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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