he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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